Rappers

Today was not a good day at all! i woke up like normal, went to planned parent hood, good pills and condoms, and came back to school. It really sucked ass! i had to finish a paper that they just did, and Mrs. B was being a bicth! then i went to lunch, well cheerleaders suck erin and richie werent there, and anthony sucks balls! then i went to 4th expecting to go to the pep ( or prep as i called it all day!) rally, but they said i had detention and i went to the aditurim and i was going to call BO and make her complain but i fell asleep and when i left i felt as though i left somethin!! i knew i didn't though. i walked out side it was very cold! i was depressed all day, and i cried i never cry! i kept imagining my cut breaking open very widely! i kept thinking about my dad and how i don't and never will know him and then i thought about phill, i hate him and what he did but i don't blame him as much as i should and i knew that steve would not be at the bus stop but i wish would have been and at the point on the bus i wanted him to be there so very bad..... i just wanted to be with him for at least a few seconds, i still want to be with him or talk to him or something!!! god i don't feel good and tommorow were going to dorney park then a concerte im not going to like it unless i see steve!!



love you steve and please just show up spontaniously and just say hi too me !! (remeber you were my only hope!!

VI VI

Today was so boring.. no beond boring.. but i dying my hair right now.. strawberry red again and tommorow i will have curles. cool huh? well to day i woke up and went to school sat in iss and dreww then got out of iss and came to the bus stop and steve was like two minutes late wow.. it's a record... well we hung out for about thirty minutes and im supposed to be mad him because he was joking about ashley berger again ! Ever time i see her i want to hurt her really bad but i do believe i have enough wil power to not do anything! I want steve to go to school that would be so cooll. Im a poet and i didn't know it! I love that he's playing this bad-boy attitude! he is so cute! OMG TOMMOROW IS THE GREENDAY CONNCERT, KYE IS COMING HOME, AND we're going to planned parenthood! in a few minutes i have to go take a shower and put curlers in and go to sleep so i guess i will be ending this now ............. BUT i don't want to ....... i will be bored god.... well bye....




love you with all my heart steve! XOXOXOXOXOXOX

little kitty

hi:)

I wish i was something im not

... or maybe im not what i am!!
Well im i class wonder hard about who i am!! I wonder about a wierd feeling i now get about steve and how that feeling puts me down more....im worse than i was when i was in foster care.. im in a deeper deppresion and all i want to do is be free...... maybe kye and anja will save me again.. maybe steve will....... maybe i'll drop away from everyone and keep to myself again...... it really bad now and no one can even tell.... i think im even more crazy now that im like this.....GOD SAVE ME......... i'll write later!!

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love you steve **KAT**

the way it is: Fuck It

the way it is: Fuck It

cresent partII

where was i oh yes!! ok : i woke up around two i come out and jaz has already cleaned all of mom's room the living room the kitchen and the office. She says that i need to clean my room and then all of a sudden she askes me to make aleah's costume it looks awsome i myght add ( i no i spelt might wrong) then i made my math poster then i went to bed and it took me forever to go to sleep!! i woke up and mom had to talk to mr. hines about me skipping school. I have three days ISS then i presented and then took notes on a dick and then in science i had to be moved because ashley berger coplained. OHHHH i want to kill her and mr. staats!
And then computer where we're watching a movie. I walked with james to the bus( like i do every day) i even mentioned steve! then i listened to music on the bus and on the way home, and now i've been on the computer ever since, NO wait i actually took a very long, nice, and very hott bath. i liked that alot and now my hair is straight again, oh thank the lord! i shaved (oh yeah put that on the Net)!! wow nice day right! well tommorw is picture retake day and i look good! this year will be the first year i will look punk in my pictures!!

well good-night ******Xlips-KiTTi**********

cresent

Well this weekend was fun!! Bo and counter mom went to a party in New York and jaz and i had the house to our selfs!First we went over to anja's and then we went to collect magenets( you know the banner magenets that ever car has now, well both e and jaz hate that) but we saw a horse trailer and she wanted to steel a horse bridal so just when she was a bout to go in steve and zach passed us!! soo she stool the bridal any way and we took steve hostage back to the house and zach went to go say hi to his BF ( just for anja i made that bigger). For almost thirty minutes me and steve watched willow but i got bored and dragged him down stairs, we played video games, racing!! Then we went into my room and where in there for about an hour and a half, you can only imagne why!! we came out and played more video games, then zach played with steve.i got bored and i was very tired it all ready 12:00 in my story. So i go to lay down and steve comes in there and we talk and some how we get to chocolate syrup and whip cream. So he makes me get up and look for the two condoments. I found green chocolate syrup!! We played with that and we are very messy eaters so we get in the shower when we get out and(here is where you have to guess again) ____ all over the bathroom and then on my bed again and then because i wanted to wear his shirt yet again on my bed!! By this time it is 4:00!!well talk later and finish!!!!


kat

Renisance Punk!!

hola.. well today was um.. nice... i had a nervous break down last night! I had afigth about skipping school yesterday and that i need to see my friends and steve everyday!! she flipped out nad started to yell. I love steve and when BO said fuck steve i flipped, i felt like my heart was splitting two ways!! i hated it and cried for hours.. last night and this mornin my eyes hurted. they don't hurt right now. Today i woke up made a necklace and did my makeup .... and those three things took me on hour. I waked out and went to moms room and bo wasn't there but nick was so we played video games.. on Gamecube. they were mariokart racing and scooby-doo... wow and then all of a sudden kye walked in (i had forgotten about her saterday visit today ) she is still here. she made breakfast and we all ate at the table for once.. wow! we went to the country junction and we went on rides and went hru two huantedd houses... wow yet again! we came home and now im sitting here typing away at y computer and everyone else in my family is in the next room watching the day after tommorow! kye goes home at 7:30!! i hate this right now because i know im in depresion and no one can tell. im hiding myself worse than ever before because i've been doing it for so long that people just dont notice it!!! the one time i showed it i OD on cough medicine a few days ago!! i hate this worse than being in a foster home and everyone expecting me to be in depersion but now the're expecting me to be extreimley happy yet im not im worse than before!!














i just wish i knew what was going on....... ilove you steve!!

Sharpie

Today pissed me off last night i od on my nausea medicine and this morrin thru third period i was really tired! i woke up and went thru my first three classes like im here and mrs. m made me get three questions wrong, she put a word bank on the board and i swear i knew the awnser and as soon as turn my test in she writes another word in the word bank!!i hate her fucking guts!!!! *deathbee to her* i havent seen steve all day and mo says i' gonna swqiush his lillte haetrand that he's hopelessly helplesly in love!!

death to staats

today was intresting...i didn't do to many things that i liked i wish i could see steve more today!!! i hate this class too.. ummmm yesterday i had to design my moms laminents and she didn't even do them yet... god she is beeing very lazy she is going to lose jobs like this... she needs to get her lazy ass up and do what pays the bills..... and she kicked me off the phone with steve...... and she yelled at me this morrin because i didn't wake up to my alarm!!! i just to be with steve i've had a very bad day and i'll make another post this afternoon!!!


see ya:)

jamie and computer class

hi im in computer class and im having fun breaking the rules!!! i can't wait to see steve and you also know what i saw the other girl with his girl friend!! it didn't affect me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

im in class

i would get in trouble if i where to get caught i am going to stay after for steve and skipp dettention!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kitty

Billies oreos

Today was a pain i my huge As----- what i do not curse, i an a virgin and, im prude, and i want to be a nun when i grow older....................* im craking up*...................Today iwoke up unwillingly and got dressed and drank coffe..... ohhh good cofee. Ilove really good coffe! I went to school:
*1st period: i drew a picture because i already know piont slope from. i drew a picture of a cross with vines of four leafe cloversand it against the wall!
*2nd: i drew more and took a quiz!!!!! wow i know!
*3rd: i love 3rd period i always so fun!!! this day we took notes on the moon and answered a whole page of questions i had had them done before my parteners came to me!! Me and katt talked about her situation with her kenny( ihave to say it that way other wise i think of kenny on south park) and her andrew!! she likes the booth but she is going out with kenny!!
4th: I did computer work and listened to music!!! yeah!!!GREENDAY!! i love them i want to go there concerte!! on october 29th
home:i got home asked to go out i watched little nemoat anja's house steve got there 30 minutes before i had to go!!!then we came back to my house and cleaned so i could go over to anja's longer and we MISUNDERSTOOD what we where agreeing too. we agrred to go over to anja's longer ( until 7:31)and we got in trouble chat wich yalll later!!!

Wussy!!!

Yesterday was steves birthday! what was wierd is that i waoke up and did everything i had to and been very patient for about 4 hours. Then anja and caroline came over! i had tons of energy and i jumped on the bed will listening to music! Anja seemed in this im tired and bitchy kinda mood so i dint bother her much. But caroline was ina i want to make love to you mood so i danced with her and played around with her. My aunt was excited because we had found a picture of phil. Like most of our family she has wiccan blood in her. she took my hair, her hair, and (i had been saving) kyes hair and took the pictures burn the hair and some of the pictures( about that time is when steve showed up) and duck taped them in to a pretty litle ball of evil. She told me to burry it, I burried it where i had cut my foot open on the cro-bar. I was all over steve and he was all over me. We wher making out on the bed, the floor, near the sink, on the chair, in the bathroom ( wich is the very first place we kissed long story**) and at that point every one had to use the bathroom and we had to transport to my little cousins room! We made out naer the the sink, in the corner, all over the middle of the room, and finally on a little table thing i was sitting on and he was sanding next too. Then the last kiss we had in the room my hands were down on the table and he was doing all the kissing and it reminded e of phill: I remeber one night he had to go to a resturant that we where piking up food in the parking lot he picked me up sorta and put me on his lap and made out with me! MY HANDS WERE AT MY SIDES AND HE WAS DING ALL THE KISSING! i stoped kissing steve and said " oh my god, that scared me half to death' he was surprised he thought it was a sound out side or somthing and i saID" NO NOT THAT" he was very confussed> i ran and made anja and caroline hear that i had thought steve was phil. I have never done this. i never thought of phil, and it wasn't like i can't think about hi it that i don't!Anja told steve and steve had comfroted me and said something i'll never forget" i wasn't your fault if you freak oout over a little kiss" then i thought i was really messed up becuse i remeber me smiling when phil kissed me!
Me and steve kept making out in the bathroom SO much for aleah's room(my cousins). We would listen to music and some how we ende up down staris making out on the couch THEN all of the sudden i drag him into my room> some people that shouldn't hear what we did! but in the middle of somehting nasty: anja and Zach (here boyfriend) came in the room and we freaked out until we saw them. The were all " you guys suck". WE wnet out and zAach said something about he hot tub and me and anja go check it and we some how we ended up in the hot tub. I was waering(ihave no clue how to spell it!) my shirt with out a bra and my underwear and anja was wearing her bra and her underwear( her was better then mine). Steve says im hot when im wet but now me and anja were making out. Zach and Steve got mad at that and personally i think there gay! but steve enjoyed it for a while. OOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. Me and anja had fun and i waqas rejoicing because we haden't done anyhting close to this after school started and Zach got back. Zach doesnt like me doing things with anja.
We watched movies and anja and zach did the freaky thing next to us and then when the y left to go to zachs house me and steve did the nasty thing while watching moulin rouge. I SWEAR IT WAS THE BEST I EVER HAD! i love the fact that when it was over steves hair was a big black poof ball of sweat.. And we was going to walk out of the room like that!! HA HA........... He eventually went home and i evantually went to sleep! that was my day!

threw my "I"s

Hi my name is Kat or at least my friends, my mom, my sibblings and my teachers call me that. Well the only thing that actually says my real name is my birth certificate and my "legal" papers. Well back to my story. I have moved all my life along with my Sister kyla and my bro. Djinn. i love them both to death. My mom is a differnt story! i love her all right but we have our difficulties. I call her BO, BOBO, skittles, and Nips. You'll never guess her real name: Rainbow!!! She was born on a hippy bus in a ghost town in Arizona. Her mom moved around and she got pregnant at 16 but she had me her oldest when she was 17! She went threw colloge with me and my little sister. At the end of her four year stay at her colloge she poped another one out my little brother. I grew up taking care of them along with a few other people. I would cook and my sister would clean. My Grandma died shortley after BO got out of colloge and she had taken to drinking. My Aunt (in wich i think of as a big sister) would help her and take care of us. My mom would go out ever night drinking. Until one day they got into an arguement and my aunt jasmyne left. I was only around the age of four.
This the time that actually remeber: My mom started to date guys again and she slowly stopped her drinking habit. The first guy i remeber was adam. I don't remeber where he came from or when exactualy he came into our lifes( i mean me and Kyla and Djinn)but i remeber him. It was right aroound easter some time when we met him. He had two other kids to Nicole and Luke! Nicole was older than me by a year and she was mean to me. Luke was kyla's age and he was quiet and shy just like her! BO,BO and adam didn't last long , like so many of BOBO's men he went crazy. I remeber one day they had a fight. He pushed her off the porch and kyla was behind my mom they both fell! the cops where called and we stayed with the across the street neighboors!
The next guy was Scot. He seemed all right to us he was funny and big and to kye(kyla's nick name) and I we thought he would be a good fatherly figure to djinn! We where wrong and after we had bought a house, had a dog, and went to a good school( i wa. in kindergarten) he dicides to start drinking but he was differnt then adam he wouldn't show us what he did to BO. He would take her in a room and all we would experience was the sounds! he was crazy so we moved. I would love to end scot right ther but when we moved to New Mexico, Scot followed and begged for BO back! As BOBO has allways been she accepted and he was fine for about three mothes then after his dog was shoot by a person up the road he started to drink agin so my mom moved.
We moved to Sante Fe with our cousins: Damian(kye's age), Siera(2 years young), and at that time Zach(baby?).We got drove up the wall ever day and i took care of the baby ALOT. We moved out of there and went to tuscon, AZ. We lived in Pink apartments and at this time still i was going to school with out kye or djinn. BOBO found her one true love Dave. We still say he was alright but we bearley got to see him. BOBO and DAve where always in the room. I found out later that they where doing drugs Mu mom ,BOBO, Was on speed and Meth. Soon my mom could handle us and she was ashamed and she put us with our grandparents. For a while i thought maybe she didn't love us but now this part is where her story turns into mine. Now i have my own emotions. I was 7. I met people i will never forget: Khrystine, monique, angel, and NOAH. Every single one of them where my bullies first> I dont blame them A family of three little white kids that had but haddent relized they have expeirenced the real world. After a while i gained some confidence in my self and i started to like noah.
******* Heres a litle background on NOAH He coes from a familly that has 5 boys he was badly teased and beaten on when he was growing up and in a mischievious town you have to be trouble to fit in and noah was best at that! ************
Noah liked me to but you know that a 7 year old's and a 6 year old's relationship wasn't seriuos at all even if they had experinced the real world and knew how to take care of themself's. He use me and didn't notice. Then we moved again and agian and agian . And I dont want to talk about my whole life :).
Well we moved in with reall old dude named phil i'l make a very long story that streches over four years into one sentence. He touched me and i still don't know if i wanted it or not :(.
well with me and noah we got closer and closer. We even had a fake wedding and (since i didn't know the word) kye was the pope.
We had begun something that would turn into love. I xame back one year from sumer vaction and actually had confidense in my self i was 11. I was going to Bond Mill Elementary school. Both kye and Djinn was in school to we lived in Laurel MD.
Soon BOBO found out about phill and we moved into a mad house. WE moved into The "T" house! All the kids names except ours began with a "T", and the mom was deaf. Oh God it was nuts DJinn got sent back to Arivaca At that time!We visited Arivaca again that summer and that summer noah asked me out. Of course i said yes. Every one had something to say about noah. I heard aton of rumors and im still hearing rumors!
I came back and had more confidence. BOBO had been in a depresion for almost a year then because she had lost Dave. It was heart breaking. We came back to luarel,MD and i had even more confidence! I was still teased any way!i met my first real best friend that year Desere' that was my 7th grade year. i had already had a boyfriend "J" but he soon moved to PA. that year was the first year i was popular! i loved desere'. Dezi taught me how to dance and hooked my up with at least three guys. But like BOBO on going record she found a guy his name was Thomas but we called him Paisley or Pais. He was alright for a good long time he didnt hit or drink often or treat mom bad. Altough he had some very bad habits! He would act very young and fight and yell with Djinn. I would most of the time be in the argument. BOBO and Pais became one thing and us stayed us. We had or own house and only a week after Pais came to see us on Christmas did he move in. We began not to like him. And then We went back to Arivaca for the summer. This time Noah asked me out and it was serious! and half way threw the summer he said " I LOVE YOU, KAT" and like most other girls this scared me. I had seen my mom, BOBO, get hurt by men my whole life> But naturely i said " i love you too" everytime i said that that summer i would whisper it!
I came back to laurel. Mom said were moving. I asked her where and she said the worse thing that at that time my ears could hear: Pensylvannia! I WAS MOVING TO A HICK STATE AND LEAVING MY FRIENDS OF FOUR YEARS(the longest time living in one state straight threw) BEHIND! I thought i would die but near november my mind changed " it would be fun to be "the new girl again"!
BOBO went back into drug druing that winter and came off them too! Me and MY sister went deeply into depresion and icut my self on several occasions even thought i'm afraid of razors! We went away for the summer, followed the DEAD, the remaining people from the Grateful Dead. this summer Noah had a girlfriend and i had sex with him and four other guys this summer, yet one i was really drunk and don't remeber it. BO says it was rape but i would never acuss that 16 kid of rape he was sweat. BOBO dumped Paisley and at the beginig of this school year we where taken into foster care. We got out but my mom had to go get our RV from AZ and they put us back in foster care! We where supposed to leave after a week but it lasted a month and four days FOR ME! I got kicked out of four houses in four weeks! My SIBILINGS ARE STILL IN A FOSTER HOME! they arent even in the same house. Kye is next to get out but djinn has anger problems and he is now on medications. Kye is very depressed and she only see me and My best friend and MY girfriend, anja(on ya) for 20 seconds each day. Djinn is about to kill someone!!!
I'm doing better though i have real friends and a very loving boyfriend ,steve, and his birthday is tommorow!!!and im only 14!!!!!!

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